Today I’m Going to Give Myself Time

Today is the 2nd of August 2018. It’s 8:30am and I have decided to take a day as I sit here on the couch nursing my clogged head and seasonal allergies. It’s not a great day today so I’m staying indoors and allowing my allergy medication time to work some magic.

Rob has left for work, and I’m at home with Roxy, my ever faithful fur-companion.

Deciding not to revert to my usual sick day position of watching mind numbing television, I open a new blog post and start journaling to see if any thoughts come to mind.

My mind is clogged – almost as if my congested sinuses have seized all mental capacity, so I take a sip of herbal tea and glance up at the clock.

It’s 9:02am.

It occurs to me just how quickly time has gone by this year. For a fleeting moment, I can feel the urge to mutter that dreaded line: the end of the year will be here before we know it.

And there it is. It’s only just turned August and my mind is racing off to the end of the year, like I’m strapped on some unstoppable ride that propels me into the foreseeable future.

My mind goes back in time to the beginning of the year and quickly snaps together a montage of my year to date.

The first frame goes back to the start of this year, re-living the aftermath of my Father’s passing. I’m supporting my mother as she struggles to cope with her grief, and endless hours are spent handling the administration and red tape of post-death legal compliance that eventually enables us to somehow muddle through the many emotions and realisations that will form our new normal.

In March, one contract job ends, and another one starts. But thanks to some newly discovered health issues and this thing called Minimalism, my life has changed so much that after just two weeks I’m quick to call an end to what I would previously have considered a dream job. Thank you for the opportunity but I’ve realised that this is not the right opportunity for me. I have committed to moving on from things that no longer align with my values and beliefs.

Thanks, Minimalism!

In April, it’s Rob’s 50th birthday and we are celebrating on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland. We enjoy a week of sunshine, relaxation, enjoying time with some new friends, and most importantly, spending quality time together knowing the strong foundations we’ve always had in our relationship are just as strong as ever. In fact, married life is feeling better than ever.

In May another assignment starts, one I’ve now been in for three months, and will stay in until early in the new year. It’s not my dream job, but the pace is slower, the people are friendly and supportive and I’ve escaped the smell of corporate pressure. It’s a step in the right direction. I now have time to think and create and focus on the important things in my life. My energy starts to return. And my creative zest slowly begins to resurface.

The next frame appears and I can see how behind the scenes I’ve been continuing to refine my soul simple existence, starting my blog, cultivating new passions and interests, fine tuning my values and beliefs and goals, and coming up with ideas for the future. My conviction is stronger, I feel more content, and whilst I’m not out of hot water, I have greater confidence in my ability to swim.

My relationships have been sorted like loads of endless washing. Sorting the blacks from the whites and the colours. Separating the delicates. Realising that like my better quality garments, with proper care and maintenance some relationships have lasted better over time than others. Some needed to be repaired. And others needed to be discarded altogether – or released so they could find new purpose elsewhere. Only those with true meaning remain.

As the various frames of this montage continue to reel through my mind, I can see life appears much simpler and more peaceful than it did one year ago, six months ago, even a week ago.

I look up at the clock again. It’s 9:28am.

I find myself asking the question why are we always wishing our time away?

Time is quite possibly our most valuable resource. And it’s the one thing we have that costs us nothing, has the potential to give us everything, and yet remains the one resource that can really make us suffer if we don’t respect and value it. We become time poor. Anxious. Stressed. Unhappy. Unwell.

I realise I have a day to myself. A day I can choose to do anything with, I certainly have plenty of things I could and should be doing right now.

Today I’m going to give myself time.

Time to recover.

Time to breathe. (If I can clear my sinuses!)

Time to be quiet.

Time to feel.

Time to reflect.

I pour myself another cup of herbal tea.

I sit back down on the couch, wrap myself in a cosy blanket which is large enough to also accommodate Roxy, who snuggles up next to me and assigns herself the role of being my therapist and nurse for the day.

I let the time pass.

I’m not going to think about this afternoon, or tomorrow, or the weekend ahead.

This moment in time is all that matters.

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